role model: wherst art thou?

When I was in elementary, there’s this custom among the girls to round diaries in which you should fulfill your data starting from name until even your pet’s name. Sort of the earlier version of friendster or facebook I suppose. And for me, when this diary gets to the boy that I like and he’s willing to share his data, then I somehow claimed that this boy actually like me. It’s a 12 years-old-girl logic, please apology.

One of the items to share is idol. I dont know what were we actually thinking of (an) idol(s), but we did write it down loud and clearly. The written name after the word idol sometime determine your ’status’ in front of your other friends. Mostly, we were writing movie stars or famous singer. Mine were Jason Priestley, Kirk Cameron, and Luke Perry. These were changing often the more famous people we know. After NKOTB held concert in Indonesia, everybody was proclaiming them as their idol. Some of more ‘mature’ student write mature’s idol, such as Bung Hatta or Iwan Fals or even Boutros Boutros Galli. Dunno whether they actually know like them or they just feel kind of cool of writing those names. For me, I dont have any particular idol that I brought along until these days. Favorite singer/actor/actress maybe, but not an idol I believe.

Getting older, the need of getting a real life and kickin idol is somehow demanding. From the psychological point of view, people tends to duplicate and replicate things that their like, its including things that their idol did. I am one of them. I like to be inspired by others. I like to hear both success and challenging stories from everyone to be absorbed as reflection to walk my own path. These stories linger much much longer than all of the mathematics formulas that I’ve always memorized. Well, aside from phone numbers of my closest friends, though. The impact could make me strong, but it could stand as my weakness as well.

The early 2008 had been difficult for me. Let’s just say, there are lots of things that turns out completely different of what I usually believe and holding on. These happen on me and also on some of my best friends. There are too much information that I’ve heard that I actually do not have the capacity of hearing all of them. There are too many things that I’ve seen that I actually not feel comfortable of seeing them. There are too much new information about some people. That later I just realize, I had unconsciously somehow admire and idolizing them. I am was losing grip.

This condition had make me searching for positive point of views. And thankfully, things are getting better and merrier I believe that anticipation is half of happines, so this time, I am putting more on strengthening myself instead of burdening others with my own dreams and expectation. Hopefully I really am working on it Hey, my vision board is progressing!!

Yet, in the name of life cycle, still there was one or three points when everything seemed so blocked and lots of things get in the way. Then I realize what’s had been hitting me lately, just as I tell my friend Oda, ‘I think I’m lacking of role model‘.

Haniway, the show must go on, just as the poem that I recite on my previous posts, ‘build your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers‘. Although I’m just an ordinary girl, dreaming a bed of roses to lay upon.